Understanding Repair Attempts in Marriage
Repair attempts are essential tools for couples to navigate conflicts and strengthen their relationships. According to renowned psychologist John Gottman, these attempts can be any verbal or physical gesture aimed at easing tension and preventing conflicts from escalating. In a recent couples therapy session, a wife expressed frustration over her husband's late work hours, leading to hungry and irritable children. Her husband's humorous response, a big smile, transformed the negative atmosphere into laughter, showcasing the power of repair attempts. Gottman emphasizes that the effectiveness of these attempts depends on the emotional connection and friendship between spouses. The stronger the bond, the more successful the repair attempts will be.
The Emotional Bank Account Concept
Gottman likens the emotional interactions between spouses to a balance in an emotional bank account. Positive interactions, such as kindness and support, increase this balance, allowing couples to weather conflicts more effectively. Conversely, negative interactions can deplete this account, making it harder to respond positively to repair attempts. For couples struggling with negativity, Gottman recommends establishing formal repair attempts, using specific phrases to prevent escalation. Examples include expressing feelings, requesting calm, or apologizing genuinely. By developing a shared language for repair attempts, couples can enhance their emotional connection and navigate disagreements with greater ease.
